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"There is always an opportunity to leave the house to the street"

J. Brodsky

There is always the opportunity to leave the house outside ... You go out. The yellow sun in the eyes. Sweep. Hands heat up and head into the sky - clouds whit out through dark branches wonderful, the children laugh, a neighbor weaves with a string bag, yard cats meow, swimming in sunbathing, and you understand: life flows by without touching you!

TS, as an unsuccessful philosopher, you try to understand, understand, explain, but being accidentally in the courtyard ... Dsatoy May Day, you understand that you are dreaming of your whole life ... I dream of a terrible nightmare, as you explain, tell, find out how they click The nerves, bursting and breaking up ... Another depressant is another kilometer of empty reasoning ... Wind, shake, shake ...

... I look at the cats ... I think - the life of these - courtyards - it proceeds in free traffic, without explanation of unnecessary, without bloating of verbal - a warm trunk for the night, but eat something ... I think, do the cats have depression? .. And the trees - witnesses of many stories, meetings and separation, and different Love Story? ... I want to howl or at least scream from powerlessness, but I am wise (not by age) and strong ... squeales my nose, my head forgot About branches, about sophisticated patterns, so beautiful and rare, about thin, elegant bends of wood ... Only one thing in my head: useless, everything is useless!

Fontanka, cars, a tired wind walks like a lonely bird ... I remember our conversation and I want not to return ... I just want to disappear, go into a parallel plane so as not to see, not hear, forget this inertness of consciousness forever, these reproaches under the skin , principles, tears, tantrums clumsy faces, all your stupid remarks, all in the trash! Throw, jump out, break these ridiculous racks-prostrations, rules, thoughts, habits, gloomy eyebrows, destroy everything! And re -paint and build ... again, you hear, from scratch, from the embryo, from concealing! I would like to scream it in a thousand fort in your eyes !!! To demolish all the curtains possible ... but unfortunately screams, as well as everything else, alas, are useless ...

There is always the opportunity to leave the house to the street ... the gray sky, the yellow sun - anyway - the nerve runs down the face, thoughts rush, swollen lips rush ... I want to take off into the sky and no longer be so stupid ... I just want to fly High, high in the sky by bird and never to the sands of your storms can no longer sink!

Text: © Natasha Galyutina (GANA)

Musical accompaniment: Radiohead (Kid a 2000) - How to Disappear Completely.