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Sketches - The Superlative vacuum cleaner - текст песни, слова, перевод, видео

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Название песни: The Superlative vacuum cleaner

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Scene: The hall of a house
Домохозяйка: ... Самая быстрая, ...
Characters: A vacuum cleaner salesman, a
Продавец: самый чистый,
housewife
Домохозяйка: ... самый чистый, самый дешевый,
The salesman rings the doorbell several
самый маленький, самый умный,
times.
самый экономичный, самый
Housewife: Yes, I'm coming.
Эффективно, самый красивый,
(She opens the door.)
самый революционный вакуум
Housewife: Good morning.
Уборка в мире.
Salesman: Good morning, young lady. Is
Продавец: (снова высоким голосом) Ох!
your mother in?
Сколько это стоит?
Housewife: My mother? I'm the mother in
Домохозяйка: только 65 фунтов стерлингов, мадам
this house. What do you want?
Продавец: Я куплю один.
Salesman: Dust, madam.
Домохозяйка: Хорошо
Housewife: Dust?
Продавец: (своим собственным голосом) э -э ... где
Salesman: Yes, madam. Dust.
деньги?
Housewife: I haven't got any dust.
Домохозяйка: это в моей сумочке на
Salesman: Oh yes you have!
кухонный стол.
(He shakes dust onto the floor
Продавец: О, верно. (В высоком голосе) Я
from a paper bag.)
Просто иди и возьми деньги.
Salesman: All over your carpet!
Он идет на кухню, чтобы получить
Housewife: Hey! I've just cleaned this carpet!
деньги.
Why are you putting dust
Домохозяйка: Хорошая идея, мадам. Вы
all over it?
принял правильное решение.
Salesman: Don't worry, madam. I've got
(Продавец возвращается,
the answer to all your problems
Говоря своим собственным голосом.)
here! The Superlative vacuum
Продавец: Вы знаете, вы фантастический
cleaner!
продавщица.
Housewife: The Superlative vacuum cleaner!
Домохозяйка: ох!
Why's it called 'Superlative'?
Продавец: У вас есть фантастические продажи
Salesman: Because, madam, everything
техника.
about it is superlative. It's the
Домохозяйка: Как вы так думаете?
quickest, the cleanest, the
Продавец: Да, у вас лучшие продажи
cheapest, the smallest, the
Техника, которую я видел весь день.
smartest, the most economical,
Домохозяйка: Спасибо!
the most effective, the most
Продавец: Спасибо, мадам.
beautiful, the most revolutionary
(Он уходит и закрывает дверь.)
vacuum cleaner in the
Продавец: (Говоря о себе, считая
world. And it's only £65.
деньги) десять, двадцать, тридцать,
Housewife: Are you trying to sell me a vacuum
Сорок, пятьдесят, шестьдесят, шестьдесят пять. Сейчас
cleaner?
это способ продать вакуум
Salesman: Yes, madam.
очиститель.
Housewife: Well, go on, then.
Salesman: I've finished, madam.
Housewife: Finished? You haven't said very
much. What sort of a vacuum
cleaner salesman are you?
Salesman: Not a very good one, I'm afraid.
Housewife: I can see that.
Salesman: No, I'm a very bad vacuum
cleaner salesman. In fact, I'm
the worst salesman in our company.
Housewife: The worst?
Salesman: The worst, I sometimes think
I'm the worst vacuum cleaner
salesman in the world.
Housewife: Oh, dear. Do you like your job?
Salesman: Like my job? No, madam, I
detest my job. It's the most
boring job in the world. Every
day it's the same: 'Good morning,
young lady. Is your mother
in?...The Superlative vacuum
cleaner...The quickest, the
cleanest, the cheapest, the
smallest...'
Housewife: Well, is it the quickest?
Salesman: No, it's probably the slowest.
Housewife: Is it the cleanest?
Salesman: Cleanest? Don't make me
laugh! I don't think there's a
dirtier vacuum cleaner on the
market. And it certainly isn't the
cheapest either.
Housewife: No, no, no. This is no good at
all.
Salesman: Pardon?
Housewife: Look, do you want to sell this
vacuum cleaner or don't you?
Salesman: I suppose so.
Housewife: Well, your sales technique is all
wrong.
Salesman: Is it?
Housewife: Yes. I could sell vacuum cleaners
better than you,
Salesman: No, you couldn't.
Housewife: Yes, I could. I'll show you. You
come into the house, and I'll
ring the bell and sell the vacuum
cleaner to you.
Salesman: You'll sell the vacuum cleaner to
me?
Housewife: Yes.
Salesman: OK. But it isn't as easy as you
think.
Housewife: We'll see. Go inside and shut
the door.
Salesman: All right,
(The salesman goes into the
house and closes the door. The
housewife rings the bell. The
salesman opens the door.)
Salesman: Not today, thank you,
(He closes the door. The housewife
rings the bell again. The
salesman opens the door again,
and speaks in a high voice.)
Salesman: Yes?
Housewife: Hello!
Salesman: Hello,
Housewife: My goodness me, what a beautiful
house you've got!
Salesman: Ooh, do you like it?
Housewife: Like it? It's the most beautiful
house I've seen for a long time.
Salesman: Thank you very much, may I
come in?
Salesman: Er ..
Housewife: Thank you, Oh, what a colorful
carpet!
Salesman: Yes, it's lovely, isn't it?
Housewife: It's the most colorful carpet I've
seen. I should think it was
expensive.
Salesman: The most expensive one in the
shop.
Housewife: And I suppose you've got a very
good vacuum cleaner to look
after it.
Salesman: A vacuum cleaner? No, I
haven't.
Housewife: You haven't got a vacuum
cleaner?
Salesman: No.
Housewife: Well, madam, this is your lucky
day, because I have here the
best vacuum cleaner that
money can buy: the Superlative
vacuum cleaner.
Salesman: Is it really good?
Housewife: Good? Good? It's the...the...
Salesman: (In his own voice) Quickest
Housewife: ...the quickest, the...
Salesman: Cleanest,
Housewife: ...the cleanest, the cheapest,
the smallest, the smartest, the
most economical, the most
effective, the most beautiful,
the most revolutionary vacuum
cleaner in the world.
Salesman: (In a high voice again) Ooh!
How much is it?
Housewife: Just £65 to you, madam
Salesman: I'll buy one.
Housewife: Good
Salesman: (In his own voice) Er...where's
the money?
Housewife: It's in my handbag on the
kitchen table.
Salesman: Oh, right. (In the high voice) I'll
just go and get some money.
He goes to the kitchen to get
the money.
Housewife: Good idea, madam. You've
made the right decision.
(The salesman comes back,
speaking in his own voice.)
Salesman: Do you know, you're a fantastic
saleswoman.
Housewife: Ooh!
Salesman: You've got a fantastic sales
technique.
Housewife: Do you think so?
Salesman: Yes, you've got the best sales
technique I've seen all day.
Housewife: Thank you!
Salesman: Thank you, madam.
(He leaves and closes the door.)
Salesman: (Speaking to himself, counting
the money) Ten, twenty, thirty,
forty, fifty, sixty, sixty-five. Now
that's the way to sell a vacuum
cleaner.
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