Задорнов - Дневник американского солдата - текст песни, слова, перевод, видео

E Mail No. 1

Hello dear. Today we have a holiday at the military base - we fly to Iraq! This is very far away. The guys say even further than Mexico. The command warned that the war would be very difficult because it was very hot there. The sergeant claims that Iraq is located in the very south of Africa. But the colonel, who used to teach geography to high school students in college, said that the sergeant is ignorant and that Iraq is not in the south of Africa, but in the north of India.

In the morning, the president addressed the Pager with a speech on the Pager. He explained that the Iraqi leader does not want to share oil, which means that he is against democracy. Now America’s main debt is to bring to Iraqi democracy, since we are the American people are the main pedcracy of democracy in the world. The colonel said that our president is a very courageous man, since he dared to fight with the country only twenty times less.

We are all confident in an imminent victory, because we have a blessing of the president and the most modern weapon: anti -personnel diapers, explosives with the taste of forest berries. Only one cannot understand: how is Iraq or Iran all the same?

Another joyful news. Now you will see me quite often on TV. TV will show the battles live, between the television series “Death from toothpick” and the current of the show “The influence of solar storms on cellulite in males of California turtles”. I promise you to wave my hand during each battle.

Do not worry about me, I took a protective cream from the sun.

E Mail # 2

Hello, dear. We flew to Iraq. It is really very hot here. Apparently, this is still not India - the inhabitants are not at all like the Indians. But the colonel specified in the command that the country was right to call Iraq. And Iran, it turns out, is such a radioactive substance “Iran 238”.

The sergeant warned us that fighting would begin tomorrow. He found out on the radio. He also said that the British, Spaniards and Poles would fight with us. But he didn’t say on which side.

Of course, we were scared by the command that in this war there would be inhuman deprivations: there are no air conditioners, trenches without showers in the dugouts ... But we are Americans - heroes! We will stand everything! Even if during the battle they do not spread Coca Cola with ice.

And in the evening, camouflaged carts with oxen drove into the camp with songs and squeal. This arrived to fight the Ukrainian chemical protection battalion. They look very beautiful against the background of the desert in their forest camouflage. On all green camouflage suits, on the heads of branches from trees, the officers have hemp. So that they can be distinguished during bombing.

Some Estonians, Lithuanians and Latvians arrived behind them. The sergeant claims that these are such tribes from American reservations that are in the rear of Europe. However, they are very kind. They brought with them humanitarian help to Iraqi children: Estonians - two trucks with baby food, Lithuanians - four trucks with children's clothing, and Latvians - two hundred trucks with textbooks of the Latvian language!

But, most importantly, the company of lawyers was attached to our platoon. So don’t worry if they even wound me a little, the Iraqis will be forced to pay a decent insurance.

E Mail No. 3

Today we went out for the first time in position. These Iraqis turned out to be real savages, they do not understand that we occupy their villages legitimate, with the approval of the US Senate. The day before yesterday, they generally treacherously fired at our plane, peacefully bombing them of the cities.

The command strictly warned us so that no one was captured. The Iraqi military terribly torture ours: they do not give popcorn, select the DVD players, forbid to put the legs on the table and use a thread to clean the interdental space.

But we feel like heroes. They say that the whole world has already responded to the war with Iraq. Britney Spears teaches the Iraqi language, and Madonna grew a beard and released a new book “In bed with Hussein”.

But the worst thing is that Ukrainian gas masks were given to us. They so smelled of lard and garlic that we decided - we will better breathe and the Zarin.

Tell your son that dad will definitely return alive if he is not put on by the Ukrainian gas mask.

E Mail No. 4